I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
