He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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