I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
