she looked like the bat from fern gully.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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