dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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