yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
