so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
