Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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