I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
