Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
