Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
