You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
