hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
