I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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