I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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