You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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