you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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