i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
