i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
