i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
