I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Why is your signature on my underwear?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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