Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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