awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
