are you so shy because you have an std?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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