remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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