Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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