The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The air taste purple.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
