when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
