I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
