I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
