So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize