I just pynch a tree in the face
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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