Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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