sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
