Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Help. Why am I so naked?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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