I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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