just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
