Jerry, you need to find god
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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