I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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