How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
