I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
