i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
