Just fell off a train. Bad.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
