Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
