I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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