I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
