I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We don't watch enough power rangers
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
