I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
