I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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