420 ftw
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize