Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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