It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
