Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
