Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
