Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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