either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
