And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
