Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
