I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
