Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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