I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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