my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's rum buckets o'clock
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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