I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
