we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
