i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We are two peas in an std pod
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
