Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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