I murdered the dance floor call the cops
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
They took my balls.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
