I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize