Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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