I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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