Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
