get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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