I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Houston, we have a blender
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
