she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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