i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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