remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize