I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
