Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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