Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
then he tried to convert me to islam
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
