I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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