Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
