I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize
