So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
