Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Princesses don't give blow jobs
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
