I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
