4 words: hood of his car
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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