if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
