i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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