if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize