Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Someone signed my nipple.
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