I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
