Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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