Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
