I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
